I think the Babylon Bee might like this, but they don’t seem to welcome submissions…
SACRAMENTO, CA—California Governor Gavin Newsom announced today that all road signs that say “chains required” must be removed from state roads by the end of the year. “These signs are evidence of systemic White Supremacy!” the Governor declared in a press conference at the Marin County Yacht Club. “They are clearly designed to intimidate African Americans and frighten them away from California. Can you imagine the psychological damage these signs do to Black people? I mean, ‘chains required’? You can’t get more racist than that!”
The Governor went on to point out that such signs are generally found in areas where snowfall covers the roads, which is also a deliberate slur to African Americans, he said. “Snow is white!” Newsom shouted. “Cotton is white! Do the math!”
Newsom then added, “African-Americans are NOT required to use tire chains on snowy roads in California!”
Los Angeles Congresswoman Maxine Waters also weighed in, adding that the Chains Required signs are “clearly a threat to our democracy. Most of these signs were placed by MAGA Republicans,” she said, “and they are not welcome here!”
President Joe Biden, when asked to comment, stated: “I used to work in a chain factory, so I kn-know what I’m talking about. No joke, man. I was the first white person to ever make the connec…er, lin…lin…I mean, link to the chain-link…you get the picture.”
Kamala Harris, the first semi-Black-female Vice President whose ancestors actually owned slaves, had the following comment: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Private Thoughts 